It’s a fun, trendy, post-modern thing to do: talk about which famous people you like and why. Not that you know them. I’ve heard the conversation so many times. “I like this celebrity because of their __________ (body type), and ________ (hair color)”, and “I’m not normally into _______(ethnic attribute) but I like _______(supermodel of specific ethnicity).” I couldn’t always put my finger on why I didn’t like it, but I’m trying today.
1. We are talking about people. Not horses. Or hamsters. No matter what they look like, where they’re from, or even how they do what they do for a living. No one can not be accurately judged on their external attributes. We are all complex creatures with thoughts, ideas, emotions, energy, and eyes you can look into. When a conversation turns to judging people based on their superficial features we are disempowering ourselves and those around us by affirming that our physical appearance matters. IT DOESN’T.
2. Do you talk about me that way behind my back? Or do you look yourself in the mirror and compare your body to others who are better or worse than you? Probably. We all do this: affirm that we are less than perfect exactly the way we are. When we judge celebrities’ bodies and minds without knowing them, we are allowing ourselves that same judgement. Who wants to be understood and accepted only for how they look? I certainly don’t. And though it might be working while we’re young, if we attach how we look to our sense of self-love and self-worth, we’re in for trouble. Yes, these bodies we have are not under warranty and they are guaranteed to disintegrate with use. The sooner we start developing and loving ourselves for our inner qualities– our humor, sympathy, generosity, love, kindness, intellect, humility, passion, understanding, or whatever it is you do best– the happier we’ll be.
3. I thought you loved me the way I am? Lisa Unger said it perfectly:
When you start to really know someone, all his physical characteristics start to disappear. You begin to dwell in his energy, recognize the scent of his skin. You see only the essence of the person, not the shell. That’s why you can’t fall in love with beauty. You can lust after it, be infatuated by it, want to own it. You can love it with your eyes and body but not your heart. And that’s why, when you really connect with a person’s inner self, any physical imperfections disappear, become irrelevant.
When we start to talk about people as if they are horses or hamsters, judged for their long legs or soft hair, we are violating a basic human principle: WE ARE NOT LOVED BECAUSE WE ARE WORTHY. WE ARE WORTHY BECAUSE WE ARE LOVED. UNCONDITIONALLY. When we start judging someone else’s body, we all look down at our own.
I think this Balzac quote sums it up nicely.
The more one judges, the less one loves.
My weakness is actors and intellect. I often take an actor’s bad performance or two and turn it into a ban on their films all together. Which is ridiculous, just because the film industry creates garbage doesn’t mean an actor can’t discover another amazing performance. I also judge people based on their interviews. And given the fact that I have a lot to be learned in the way of opening my mouth and saying the right thing, I am in no position to judge. I affirm I will not judge myself or others! You and I have infinite potential. Let’s keep it that way!